I guess some would say posting my thoughts up on this blog shows that I lack tact. But honestly I do not care what they think. I think that people should be able to post their thoughts and opinions so that maybe they can receive help or encourage some one in the same position as them. In this blog post I will be going through some of the poisonous thoughts that have gone through my head this week. I warn that some of the thoughts are depressing but they are my real thoughts and have been all this week if not my entire life. I will encourage you in the fact though that I have not lost hope and that I will overcome this like I have so many times before.
Its always my fault, at least that is what they have told me. Its MY fault that the friendship is failing. Its MY fault that my family is shredded. Its MY fault that everyone is mad. ITS MY FAULT. And maybe they are right. Maybe everything is truly my fault. That possibly my flaws are the reason that everything has suddenly decided to go to hell this week. Maybe it is all my flaws that make me the prime target for their hatred and anger. Maybe if I was just like them, they would not be so quick to blame me, mistreat me, hate me.
But that is the problem, I will never be like them. I will never be shallow enough to believe that I might also be partially if not entirely to blame. I will not get my ego boost off another persons humiliation. I will not let someone get an ego boost off my humiliation because when there is nothing to humiliate their can be no humiliation. Yes, I am that weird girl who will never get asked to prom. And yes I am that weird girl that over thinks everything and trusts nobody. But at least I am me, at least I am always me. I can gain strength from all the self loathing and the hatred people show towards me. I will grow even when my own friends turn against me.
Nothing can hold me back except for me and I refuse to do that. I do not have time for the people who only have time for themselves. I do not have time for the people that want to hurt me. I am always going to be me, I was not born to please everyone. Therefore I will not waste my time trying to please everyone because to please everyone is like praying for snow in a desert or praying for 100 degree weather on top of Mt. Everest. It is completely useless no one will ever be completely happy so why waste my valuable time trying to please them?
If any of you think that I need help, just letting you know that I already know this fact but thanks for the concern. If any of you have questions about my thought process or anything else feel free to email me at the address I will have listed below. And if any of you have any poem ideas or are wondering when I will be posting my next one I will let you know that I am posting one or two right after this so do not worry I have not totally forgotten about posting my poetry. Also if there are any of you who want me to dedicate a poem to you or to someone for you feel free to email me about it and I will either post it on here or email it back to you. I love all of you guys and thank you for reading my blog it means a lot to me.
Love always, Moriah
darklordsdaughter1@gmail.com
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